4 Reasons Why Having a Valentine is Good for Your Mental Health


red-rosesIt’s that time of year again.  Our screens bombard us with images of bouquets of red roses, strawberries dipped in chocolate and French perfumes. Overnight, stores and shop fronts are filled with pink and red window displays heralding the arrival of Valentine’s Day: A celebration of love, romance and friendship.

I have to be honest and declare that I have never been a huge fan of Valentine’s Day.  I have always found February 14th to be a bit crass, forced and over commercialized, but clearly I am in a minority as far as my lack of enthusiasm for this day goes. 180 Million Valentine’s day cards are exchanged annually (in the U.S alone), and this day has been celebrated and observed, in various forms, for centuries.  Dispersed from its Western and Christian origins, Valentine’s Day celebrations have now spread all over the world as far afield as China, Singapore, South Korea, India and Iran.

The ever expanding popularity of this holiday got me thinking about the relationship between love and one’s mental health.  It turns out, there is some scientific basis for understanding what many of us know, intuitively, to be true.  Here are 4 concrete reasons why it’s worth spending some time on February 14th to mark the occasion of Valentine’s Day, not only with our loved ones at home, but in our schools and communities too.


#1 Marriage Reduces Symptoms of Depression for Men and Women

It has long been reported that marriage may affect many aspects of mental health, but the most rigorous research comes from the depression literature, which suggests that marriage reduces depressive symptoms for both men and women. Of note, in addition to findings that getting married decreases depressive symptoms, getting divorced increases such feelings, and such depressive symptoms appear to be long-lasting and remain elevated years after the divorce.

A more recent Norwegian survey examining levels of psychological well-being between married, cohabitors and single people, appears to affirm these earlier findings.  In this study the researchers found that overall, being partnered-living (married or cohabiting) was associated with higher psychological well-being than being single.  Moreover, single living subsequent to a divorce was experienced as particularly negative.


#2 Being Sexually Active Has a Beneficial Impact on One’s Neurochemistry

Oxytocin is a mammalian neurohypophysial hormone (secreted by the posterior pituitary gland) that acts primarily as a neuromodulator in the brain. Plasma oxytocin levels increase during sexual arousal in both women and men and are significantly higher (than baseline) during orgasm/ejaculation.

Elevated levels of oxytocin has long been associated with better mental health, with recent studies suggesting a relationship between elevated oxytocin levels and feelings of interpersonal trust, emotional connection, being more satisfied with life, feeling less anxious and less depressed.


In the United States, at least, Valentine’s Day has progressed beyond romantic love to encompass love of family and, more platonic, love of friends and community. The last two reasons highlight the importance of these types of love in our society.


#3 Patient-Caregiver Relationship May Directly Influence Progression of Alzheimer’s Disease

A study led by Johns Hopkins and Utah State University researchers suggested that a close relationship between patients with Alzheimer’s disease and their caregivers gave those patients a marked edge over those without such a close caregiver relationship.  This outcome manifested in the patient retaining mind and brain function over time. This beneficial effect of emotional intimacy, which the researchers observed among participants, was on par with some of the medications typically used to treat the dementia.


#4 Children Who Feel Loved by Family and Caregivers Are Psychologically More Resilient

Photo by colemama via Flickr

Young people’s sense of connection to their parents and other family members is the most consistent protective factor across all health outcomes, including the likelihood that they will engage in violent behavior.  Furthermore, research shows that simply developing relationships with caring adults protects “at-risk” youth against becoming involved in violence. The school environment, too, exerts considerable influence on the psychological well-being of young people.  Students who feel they are a part of their school are also more emotionally healthy and less inclined towards drug and alcohol abuse or suicidal thoughts and attempts.




10 thoughts on “4 Reasons Why Having a Valentine is Good for Your Mental Health”

  1. Regarding item 4: What happens when children develop relationships with “caring” adults who then abandon them as soon as the assignment or case is over or the paycheck stops coming?


    1. “abandonment” is not good for the psychological well being, of developing children, under any circumstances. Presumably the adults you are referring to in this scenario are case workers/healthcare providers….in this case, careful/due attention has to be paid to how/when a relationship is terminated. Change is inevitable, people in your life come and go but feelings of abandonment should be preventable if the professional involved does their ethical duty and arrange for a carefully ending/closing to the relationship. (there is a ton of literature, out there, on how to terminate/end a therapeutic relationship)


      1. Thanks. Can you point to data from high-quality studies (i.e., those that are well-designed and carefully control for expectations, biases, statistical issues, etc.) on measurable short and long-term effects of specific termination methods?


      2. Thanks for the link. Given the risks/chances of adverse events associated with termination (as well as the unknown likelihood that the therapist and client will simultaneously have the resources and availability to go through any sort of formal termination procedure), it seems that therapists have an ethical obligation to disclose these possibilities as part of the informed consent process at the outset. Consumers ought to know what they are signing up for *before* investing the time and money. And until there are well-designed research studies with replicable data and standard controls for biases backing these practices, it’s unknown whether the benefits outweigh the risks or not, and thus it seems questionable whether it’s ethical to proceed with these practices at all.


      3. A standard part of good “informed consent” for initiating a therapeutic relationship SHOULD include 1) discussion re:expected length of treatment, 2) stating under what conditions the treatment may be prematurely discontinued and 3) what the option are if the person seeking mental health services has not made the desired progress in that time


  2. For a couple years I’ve been toying with the idea of sending anonymous valentine’s to multiple people who I think need cheering up. No one that I’m interested in, just those who seem in poor spirits. How bad an idea is this?


    1. i think any gesture/symbol that aims to include those who may be quitely struggling/isolated is welcome and much needed in our society. As long as the gesture/symbol does not place any burden on the recipient i.e. make them feel they have to reciprocate/makes them feel any emotional discomfort how could it be harmful?


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